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100 Ways To Live A Better Life – 92. Stop Lying


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To others and to yourself. Although it might ease a complicated situation, a lie is not good in the long run. The trick is that if you?re telling a lie you?re altering your reality. And a distorted reality will be impossible to handle.

Took me years to understand the real implications of a lie. It?s not about morality or being ethic in the first place, although those are important too. It?s about altering your reality, describing it in an inaccurate way.

An inaccurate representation of the reality will tend to evolve by itself, escaping your control. Lying is in fact a derivation of your creative powers: you alter your universe – you do that because you really have this power. Most of the time you do this by fear or greed. And the Universe obeys, becoming threatening or greedy to you.

Use your words to create things out of genuine joy, not to hide your deeds, as bad as they are. Better an accurate Universe filled with failures, than an inaccurate Universe which will turn that inaccuracy back to you. 

How To Stop Lying

As I said above, I know only 2 things that are making us telling lies. In my experience, each and every lie is in fact generated by some variations of them. These 2 things are fear and greed.

Fear makes us lie because we’re insecure. Greed makes us lie because we’re attached. One is about uncertainty, the other one is about keeping the status quo.

They are the opposite ends of the same stick, in fact. At one end of the stick is confusion, lack of identity and fluidity (that would be fear), and at the other one is manipulation, egotism and stagnation (and that would be greed, of course).

We’re balancing between those two states a lot, most of the time, unconsciously. Sometimes we swing back and forth because we’re getting too much of one of those and we need to balance things somehow. We’re building some sort of a strange momentum and, once we’re out of fear we become greedy all of a sudden, or, if we lose greed, we start fearing anything around us.

The key here is, as in every other part of life, balance in its most basic form: equidistance. The key is to maintain a lifestyle free form fear or greed, to stay in the middle. If you do that, you won’t have any reason at all to lie. It will just stop.

I know this approach seems somehow counterintuitive. When you decide (for whatever reason) to stop lying, the first thing you focus on is what you say. You try to control your words. That’s the standard approach. Control your words. Don’t tell lies.

But if you take this path, of the words (and thoughts) control, it will be very difficult (if you ever tried to do it, you remember already how difficult it was). The reason is, actually, very simple: you’re trying to stop a river which is already big. The process that made you lie is started long before the words assembled in your brain. Trying to stop this is like trying to stop a hurricane, it’s almost impossible. Once you formed the thought and found the words to express it, there is no way to actually stop that action.

The lie was already generated. Fear and greed already kicked in. Words are just a mere consequence.

But if you take the other path, the path of fear and greed liberation, it will be much easier. You will stop the river in its infancy, when it doesn’t even know it’s a river. You will stop the hurricane while it’s still a breeze. You will find terribly awkward even the thought of a lie. Why would you lie? There’s no reason for that anymore.

So, in order to stop lying, all you have to do is lose fear and greed.

I know, I know: it’s one thing to write about this and a completely different one to make it happen. It won’t happen over night and there will be relapses. You will fall down many times and get back up again. Eliminating fear and greed of your life is an incredibly long and tedious process. And it’s really, really hard.

But the alternative is much worse.



Running For My Life - from zero to ultramarathoner


The spooky thing about depression is that it sneaks in. There aren’t really trumpets and loud voices announcing: “Hail, hail, this is depression entering the room, all rise!” Nope. It’s slow, silent, creepy. It doesn’t even look like depression. It starts with small isolation thoughts like: “Maybe I shouldn’t get out today, I just don’t feel like going out”. And then it does the same next day. And then the day after that and so on. And then it starts to whisper louder and louder in your ears: “Why would you go outside, you loser? Didn’t have enough yet? Want more people to make fun of how much of a big, fat loser you are?”

And then you start to breath in guilt and shame, instead of air. Every breathe you take is putting more dark thoughts into your body.

Until you get stuck. You can’t move anymore. At all.

If you want to know how I got out of this space, eventually, check out my latest book on Amazon and Kindle.

Running For My Life -from zero to ultramarathoner

Dragos Roua

The guy who started all this. Entrepreneur, ultra-marathoner, tanguero, father and risk taker. I'm blogging here, but I also spend a lot of time in this marvelous space.. You're invited, by the way.

This Post Has 2 Comments

  1. Thank you, Dragos.

    It was an enlightening post to me. Now it makes sense why controlling my words to avoid lying is very hard to do.

    Thank you, and have a nice week. 🙂

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