Getting Something For Free

Do you like getting freebies? Gratuitous stuff? Free lunch, maybe? Well, I don’t.

I’ve always been like this, I have quite a repulsion towards free stuff. I become reluctant, I start to question myself, I back up. Although one may think that avoiding free stuff made for quite a difficult path for me so far (with the overwhelming stream of opportunities around), I will have to tell you the exact opposite. Avoiding free stuff made me far more wealthy and self confident than the average.

You know that old saying “there is no such thing as a free lunch”? Well, it’s still quite accurate.

The Exchange

Everything you do requires energy. Everything you receive was made with energy. Everything around you, including yourself, is a form of energy. And every time you start an interaction, you are initiating in fact an energetic exchange. Every form of communication is an energetic exchange.

Have you ever had a relaxing conversations with somebody else? Have you ever had a deep bonding with close, dear friends? Ever had a sense of exhilaration after closing a big business deal, a sale or just getting a promotion? All of these are successful energetic exchanges.

In each successful interaction our energy exchange is balanced, instant and beneficial. Balanced, instant and beneficial. Let’s take a closer look at this.

If we give more or less energy than it’s required, our energetic exchange is imbalanced. If we’re talking, for instance, and we give more energy than required, the other part may step back, ending the process. Or we find ourselves fighting instead of talking, opening our energy valves beyond control. Or we can find ourselves not responding in kind to other’s verbal flow, putting a lot less energy than required in the process. Whatever the cause, putting more or less energy than necessary, will make the interaction fail. This is an unbalanced energetic exchange.

If the response of our energetic exchange is delayed, we feel insecure. If we’re having an intimate relationship and the response to our interaction – making a gift to someone, for instance – is coming several hours later, we start asking why this is happening. Even if the response is positive, we start asking why we’re getting our response so late? Is something wrong with us? With the other one? With both? We feel insecure, and that’s because the energetic exchange was not instant, it was delayed. Most successful energetic exchanges are in the moment.

And if the energetic exchange was not mutually beneficial, we feel frustrated. If you close a deal under pressure, giving away some of your benefits, you feel frustrated. If you laugh and the other one cries, you feel frustrated. If you didn’t receive as much as you want from a conversation, you feel frustrated. That’s because the exchange wasn’t mutually beneficial, only one part of the exchange was favored. Most of our energy exchanges are not mutually beneficial, it’s always some part that will take a little more than we expect.

But despite these conditions, balanced, instant and beneficial energy exchanges are always possible.

The Free Stuff Trap

What’s happening when somebody comes to you and makes an offer for something “for free”?

First of all, you know from the beginning that this won’t be a balanced energetic exchange. Somebody will give more energy than required, allegedly the part with the “free stuff”. The making of that stuff required energy and if you won’t give back some energy too there will be an imbalance.

Second, you don’t really know if you want that now. They’re giving that stuff out of nowhere, without checking with you first. Maybe you wanted this before, or maybe there’s a chance for you to want it in the future. Whatever the time, it will not be in the present. The energy exchange won’t be instant.

And finally, if there’s only one person to benefit from that free thing, the exchange won’t be mutually beneficial. One part will be really disempowered by the exchange, again, that part allegedly being the one with the free offer. And that will lead to frustration, sooner or later.

Then why you get all the time “free stuff” offers? Why is this “free stuff” almost an icon of our modern society? Why this unconscious race for getting stuff for free? Because behind the “free stuff” there’s a trap. The free stuff is not free at all. It’s disguised.

The real trap of the free stuff is that there is a hidden part in the deal. There is always a hidden part in the deal. And that part is disguised in something apparently free. If you take on a “free stuff”, you will commit yourself to a future energy exchange. Most of the time, without even knowing it.

Why Free Stuff Is Never Free Stuff

The vast majority of “free stuff” exchanges are based on manipulation. The “free” in the “stuff” is the bite. The “stuff” is the hook. And you are the prey. Almost every free thing offered is geared towards a much bigger, intense and longer energy exchange from your part, than the energy it offers in the beginning.

And for that, any “free stuff” is a hoax. This is why I am always questioning every free offer, why I’m reluctant and why I step back. I look for the hidden part.

The endless energy field in which we are all living must be balanced. Any interaction will attract a reaction. Any energy exchange must be equally shared, otherwise there will be imbalance, confusion and frustration. Anything that is disguised as “free” is in fact something that will require a lot more from you in the future in order to level up the energy field. Don’t fall for this.

Don’t fall for the “getting rich quick” schemes, which are in fact specific declinations of the “free stuff” approach. You will never get rich quicker than you can understand richness. Having a sudden big amount of money will give you much more problems than satisfactions. Not to mention that getting rich quick will waive out all the fun in the journey.

Close your energy valves every time you see something for “free”. Look for the hidden part. Look for what they are asking to trade in exchange for that “free” offer. If you are ok with that, go ahead, but do it consciously. Don’t open your doors to the salesmen of the “free stuff” without knowing it. It’s ok to accept a “free deal” as long as you know it’s not free, and you’re committing for future actions.

Why Do You Want Free Stuff?

Because you want to preserve your energy, Most of the people have a strong tendency to keep their energy to themselves. Much of this tendency is rooted in fear: fear of loss, most of the time.

If you don’t have any fear whatsoever, anything that is “free” will look strange to you, not appealing. If you would know that you can’t really lose something, getting something for “free” will look fishy. If you are already balanced and sharp, getting involved in a “free” offer will not attract you anymore.

The fear of loss is the fuel of “free stuff”.

The Exception

Yes, there is an exception to it, but as always, it’s an exception only at the surface. There are situations in which you are entitled to receive “free stuff” from time to time, but the “free” will only “look” free. Because, in fact, the energetic exchange has already been made. You already paid for that, one way or another.

I met persons who apparently had a gift for receiving gifts. They were receiving gifts out of the blue, they were entitled to free seats at events, to free meals, to free drinks. They were receiving a lot of nice words, tons of appreciation signs and usually they had a very easy time with attracting money. Sticking to our model, those persons were not having a balanced, instant and beneficial energetic exchange. But as I observed them longer, I started to realize that the energy exchange was already made.

They were actually the initiators. They already started to give something around (many times without even noticing). They were giving a sense of comfort, balance or tenderness. They were usually lovely persons to have around. Or, they were extremely skilled an experienced persons which were in fact transferring their knowledge on a regular basis. Teachers, masters or highly intuitive consultants. Beautiful people spreading harmony around, dancers, actors or powerful managers. Those persons are energy emitters. They are already broadcasting energy, only you don’t realize how. Until something in the picture is drawn towards them in order to balance the exchange.

Giving away something you have in excess without waiting for nothing in return will usually trigger a free stuff offer. Helping others without asking for nothing, out of pure generosity and sense of oneness will usually spark something back to you. The energy field must remain stable. You will activate an exchange and you will get something back. It will be balanced, instant and beneficial. Maybe you won’t be able to sense it, but somewhere in this known universe, somehow, giving out your talents will activate an energy exchange in your favor.

It’s the only way I accept getting something “for free”.



Running For My Life - from zero to ultramarathoner


The spooky thing about depression is that it sneaks in. There aren’t really trumpets and loud voices announcing: “Hail, hail, this is depression entering the room, all rise!” Nope. It’s slow, silent, creepy. It doesn’t even look like depression. It starts with small isolation thoughts like: “Maybe I shouldn’t get out today, I just don’t feel like going out”. And then it does the same next day. And then the day after that and so on. And then it starts to whisper louder and louder in your ears: “Why would you go outside, you loser? Didn’t have enough yet? Want more people to make fun of how much of a big, fat loser you are?”

And then you start to breath in guilt and shame, instead of air. Every breathe you take is putting more dark thoughts into your body.

Until you get stuck. You can’t move anymore. At all.

If you want to know how I got out of this space, eventually, check out my latest book on Amazon and Kindle.

Running For My Life -from zero to ultramarathoner

Dragos Roua

The guy who started all this. Entrepreneur, ultra-marathoner, tanguero, father and risk taker. I'm blogging here, but I also spend a lot of time in this marvelous space.. You're invited, by the way.

This Post Has 22 Comments

  1. This one really touched home base for me!
    One of the vital key ingredients that helped me keep my energetic balance was to always focus on “giving gifts” rather then “getting gifts”. Especially the free type……
    Always ask yourself: What is your gift to the world that you give away freely? Without asking for anything back the Universe will find a way to bring you back to balance,,,,, is It’s job, is what the Universe does!

  2. WOW, this was a really interesting article Dragos! I intuitively agree with you but sometimes I don’t regret it. Simpleology “hooked” me with some great free stuff. I was so impressed I bought more. Mark Joyner has gotten a lot of money from me because he gave me one thing for free. But I only bought because I was satisfied with what he gave away.

    I also know that I have been hooked and ultimately regretted what I bought. I also often have a hard time stopping the continued paying. It’s almost as if I can’t admit I made a mistake.

    Stephen – Rat Race Trap’s last blog post..Sleep Your Way to Success

  3. Interesting take on this Dragos. I have always found it more difficult to receive free stuff than to give it. Still do in fact. There seems to be that awful obligation feeling associated with free stuff and its often abused as you put examples of in your article. Blogging and the internet however is one of those “free stuff” areas that seems to be attractive to many without any obvious return. I certainly don’t have any hidden aggendas with writing free content or free ebooks at my blog and don’t have any plans to change that. Does it give back, sure in some ways, but I certainly don’t see where all that energy exchange goes.

    Mike King’s last blog post..6 Steps to Setup an Effective Brainstorming Session

  4. Hi Dragos,

    Interesting post: however, my principle is to never consider anything free – as long as it is not illegal, or addictive or requiring a follow up.

    And as long as someone is aware of the “law of reciprocity” (I did you a favor – e.g. gave you something for free – now I want a favor in return) and as long as someone can return the “free gift” – I don’t see any reason for which someone should not enjoy the “free”ware…

    I guess that apart from the fear of loss you mentioned, we (as humans) have been wired to free stuff (and we have kind of nostalgia about the used-to-be-free things). Not so long ago in our history (3,000 years ago – which is almost nothing compared with tens of thousand of years of evolution) most of the things were actually free. One hundred years ago, still some of things were free (hunting, fishing, water, wild fruit, etc) and even in modern days some things are still free (e.g. the air we breathe, different rights, water from ocean, etc), but which will possibly change over time.

    I don’t see the point of why I should not enjoy a free thing – right now, right here.

    Cheers,

    Bogdan

  5. @Io_da: giving is the best way of getting something, this is something that I learned for good in the last few years. It’s all happening inside, not outside. If you agree to improve the Universe, the Universe will agree to improve you. It’s that simple 🙂

  6. @kikolani wonderful approach 🙂 I especially liked the part in which you are appreciating your soulmate. Make this last 🙂

  7. @Stephen – Rat Race Trap: at least, you don’t regret it, that’s great! Being aware of that is already a big step forward. You know, doing something is one thing, and how you feel about it is a completely different thing. Whenever those things are not congruent, it means you initiated a change somehow in the system.

  8. @Mike_King you are certainly right in identifying Internet as one of the places with the highest rate of free energy exchanges. But it’s because it’s so easy to initiate an energy exchange here, it’s the big numbers that counts here. The Internet can be highly rewarding and it can also be painfully penalizing if you’re abusing it.

  9. @Secara: “as long as it is not illegal, or addictive or requiring a follow up.” Well, this is what I am talking about 🙂 MOST of what you are presented in an offer as being free DO require a follow up in one way or another.

    OTOH, just enjoying what the Universe are ready to give us, is a completely different story. I’m also a big fan of that, and the last part of the post also outlines what are the conditions for that. I suspect that you are doing this on the same conditions. 😉

  10. Hi Dragos,

    Where do you get all these excellent ideas for articles,I know life! 🙂
    I have been always skeptical about freebies.First question is whats behind and why. It is usually just marketing.

    What I cant stand are the contracts you may sign thinking you are getting something free when you are signed in to a contract for 2 years where you pay more then the item is worth and get locked in to a service. Just do the math.

    I use to receive free passes from club promoter for my self and some friends and free gym memberships for 3 months.The club promoter would even occasionally include restaurant gift certificates.

    It’s good PR – we both get our names out there and I get a what ever the gift for the exchange.They give me passes or gift certificates which includes an invitation for either my friends or clients.It is like word of mouth.It all marketing.

    Great article looking forward to your next.
    Cheers

    Bunnygotblog’s last blog post..Chillin’ Like A Villain

  11. Exchange of energy is VERY important – it’s always there no matter what the sign says! 😉

    Angela’s last blog post..Notes from the Surf XXXVI

  12. @Angela: you are VERY right. The energy exchange is the rule, not the exception. The fact that we’re not spotting it all the time is because our lack of awareness, the energy is always there.

  13. @Chick J: well, that’s quite an interesting twist. I must agree that I can fall for this from time to time, but I suspect is more on the risk taking side than in the real value. Seeing it as a challenge is interesting, but after a certain number of challenges you can extract some patterns, and most of the patterns are as I tried to describe them in my post: there is always a hidden part.

    But keeping a certain curiosity level towards any thing free could surely lead to some interesting surprises.

    Thanks for joining the conversation. 🙂

  14. Hi Dragos,

    Well it is business. I never minded receiving them except I am not in to dance clubs but still you are making people aware of an establishment. The client appreciates the gesture and the club appreciates the possibility of having returning patrons. You know the freebees is going to cost more it always does.
    Sometimes it just depends on the place and item offered.
    In most cases what I have mentioned it is beneficial to all parties. You meet people and get your name out there.
    Cheers

    Bunnygotblog’s last blog post..Chillin’ Like A Villain

  15. […] on how much we “spend” for them. Hence, a freebie will be worthless. Anything presented as “free” is in fact a trap, a trap which will require more from you than you are willing to […]

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