This is a guest post from my friend Henri Junttila, @henrijunttila.
Learning how to deal with rejection is tough. Depending on how you get rejected and what for, it may hurt a lot or it may hurt a little. I’m a big believer in the fact that we create our own reality. Why do you react to some things, while I do not? It’s because of our personal experiences and our beliefs. Most of these beliefs can be changed if we want to, so you can remove the fear you have for getting rejected. You can increase your courage and you can remove the label of “not being good enough”, just to name a few examples.
Here are 5 fresh tips on how to deal with rejection:
1. Release Perfectionism
Why are we afraid of getting rejected? Is it because we have to seem like we’re perfect? Have we been taught to keep up a charade and not others see our weaknesses? For a long time, I battled with perfectionism and it led me to reject rejection. I was in my own imaginary world and refused to face reality. It wasn’t until I started letting go of being perfect that I started making fast progress. It’s okay to show people that you aren’t Zeus the Greek God. We all have vulnerabilities and we all make mistakes. If you show some of them to your audience or the people you hang out with, they will just be able to relate to you more.
2. It’s a Learning Opportunity
Getting rejected is one of the best learning opportunities, that is, if you pay attention and learn from the experience. If you get rejected and blame someone else, you’re probably not going to get much out of the interaction. If, however, you start thinking about what you could’ve done better, you’re on to something. If you can’t figure it out, ask the person or company that rejected you. If you sent in a guest post to a blogger, ask why it got rejected. Sometimes it’s just your writing that doesn’t fit, but sometimes it’s because your writing has flaws in it. Figuring out these flaws will only make you better. If the response is that your grammar sucks, at least you’ll know what to work on.
3. Be Aware of Your Programming
We’ve all been rejected when we grew up, so we’ve learned to think of rejection as something bad. If we walk up to a pretty girl (or man, if you’re a girl), we get scared because we might get rejected. But what if that girl wasn’t a good fit for you in the first place? What if she hadn’t rejected you and you would’ve gotten married, and lived a horrible life with lots of fighting. Look at the rejection as a blessing in disguise. Now you can go forth and find a girl that actually is a good fit for you. The point I am trying to make is this: you cannot know what the rejection means. In the short-term it might feel bad, but you have no idea what it teaches you or what it might lead to. You cannot judge the rejection as something good or bad in most cases. Constantly looking at the negative, even when it isn’t necessary, isn’t productive. Believe me, I’ve been there and done that.
4. No Rejection, No Growth
What would happen if you were never rejected? Would you grow as a human being? Would you need to grow? If everyone says yes to you, you wouldn’t need to change anything and you wouldn’t need to learn anything. That would be a pretty boring life, wouldn’t it? I personally have come to enjoy getting rejected (in most cases) and getting criticized, because I know it’s an opportunity for me to grow. I’ve learned that resisting or hiding from rejection is useless. My ultimate goal is to grow, evolve and become brilliantly better. If I am avoiding rejection then I am in conflict with my goal. It helps to step back and ask yourself what your goal is and if you’re moving away from it with the actions you take every day.
5. Rejection is Essential to Success
If rejection is necessary for growth then we can probably assume that rejection is essential to success. There are many different ways you can look at this. If you run a small company, lose a contract and go bankrupt, is that success? Again, you cannot really know what this will lead to. In that instance, it wasn’t success if you look at it from the viewpoint of making money, but I’m sure you can learn something from the experience of going bankrupt that you can apply to your next endeavor. It all comes back to your own perception of reality. You can use an effective map or a broken map. It is completely up to you. But I’ve found that the more I align myself with reality, the faster I am able to make progress and grow, in both business and life. Sometimes things hurt, but that’s just how life is. It isn’t all a walk in the park, although it surely can be. By becoming aware of your own programming, you can start to remove the bad and replace it with the good.
Author Bio: Henri Junttila is a lifestyle superhero, who writes about self-improvement for conscious people at his blog, the Wake Up Cloud. Make sure you check out his free Discover Your Passion in 5 Days e-course if you’re serious about living a passionate life.
Running For My Life - from zero to ultramarathoner
The spooky thing about depression is that it sneaks in. There aren’t really trumpets and loud voices announcing: “Hail, hail, this is depression entering the room, all rise!” Nope. It’s slow, silent, creepy. It doesn’t even look like depression. It starts with small isolation thoughts like: “Maybe I shouldn’t get out today, I just don’t feel like going out”. And then it does the same next day. And then the day after that and so on. And then it starts to whisper louder and louder in your ears: “Why would you go outside, you loser? Didn’t have enough yet? Want more people to make fun of how much of a big, fat loser you are?”
And then you start to breath in guilt and shame, instead of air. Every breathe you take is putting more dark thoughts into your body.
Until you get stuck. You can’t move anymore. At all.
If you want to know how I got out of this space, eventually, check out my latest book on Amazon and Kindle.